A Multicultural Life

By:  Lindsay McDonnell, MSW

I grew up in a predominantly white town where racism was not hidden and also denied.  I distinctly remember inflammatory and directly racist names being cast upon the white kids in school who dressed in a certain way deemed Black: sagging pants, brands of clothes, haircut.  Confederate flags in pick up truck windows, were NOT a thing of the past.  One day, before an English class started, I got into an argument with a classmate over the confederate flag; my point was that it was a symbol of racism and he argued that it was not.  That is one incident of many that is so vivid in my memory of why I wanted so desperately to go to another, more diverse, school in the neighboring town. However, I knew that wouldn’t happen.  When I went away to college I intentionally sought and naturally became friends with individuals of other races and cultures.  That journey continues and has led me to starting this community, Race and Convos.  

My journey started with love.  A love for people, a desire for more, and an interest in learning.  Although it started here this wasn’t enough to keep me; I had to learn to be uncomfortable, to listen, and to live in community. 

Be Uncomfortable 

When you cross into spaces where you are no longer the majority race, when you don’t speak the same language, when your life experiences are different it’s uncomfortable.  So do you run from that?  Do you sit in the uncomfortable?  Do you adjust to make it not uncomfortable?  For me, I sat in it; I just sat and listened.  It was uncomfortable, but I used the time to listen, to observe, and to understand.  During this time I wrestled with my personal identity.  I am of European descent with no cultural connection to my ancestry. We did not have any cultural traditions, foods, or language growing up, and likewise, there was minimal conversation about other cultures in my home or school.  As I was exposed to more cultures, there were days I hated my skin; I wanted to color it so I could be part of the communities I was immersed in.  I felt shame and anger for my ignorance and racism. As I began to get confronted sometimes with things I would say, I started to recognize my personal biases.  My initial reaction was “RUN,” but that was not what I chose.  Instead I chose to sit.  I began to learn, to grow, and to understand.  

Listen 

As the growth started, a vitally important lesson began to repeat: LISTEN.  Growing up, I used to tell my mom, “there’s a difference between listening and hearing.” I thought I was doing a great job at listening, but then I met Rev. Love.  In 2016 I audited her seminary class, Racial Righteousness, which came recommended.  Our class trip was to places I was familiar with (worked, frequented, lived), and because of my familiarity, I started out with a proud attitude as if I already knew what the rest of the class was going to learn.  Instead, I was confronted with this word LISTEN.  As we toured and met with people who shared about the places and neighborhoods we were visiting, I discovered there was more I had to learn.  I learned how to hear stories of those who are living what I don’t/won’t have to live.  I had to be open to hear what others were saying and let go of my pride and arrogance.  During the class and this trip Rev. Love’s example of holding the tough conversations and of challenging us through questions was so  gracious; it set a standard for me. 

Live in Community 

Over the years I have had friends of different races and ethnicities.  We were in class together, lived in the same dorm, worked together or attended the same church.  I may have gone to their home or met their families, we would hang out and have genuine relationships.  But it was not until I started to live in community with people that things deepened.  When you live in a community, you walk through the hills and valleys of life together; you share tears and shouts of joy, you celebrate victories and mourn losses, you agree and disagree.  As this progresses, you naturally start to learn about and be exposed to each other’s cultures.  You eat different foods, learn about other holidays, experience cultural norms, and encounter different family relationships.  This is the rich part!  I can boldly say my life is better and richer because of having a multicultural community. 

What’s your story?  How has your journey so far shaped you?  What are you learning?  What has been hard?  What challenged you?  What would you want someone to know or do in forming a multicultural community?